Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew by Sherrie Eldridge

When we adopted Luke nearly six years ago, adoption was a foreign world to me.  I didn't know many people who had adopted and were close enough to ask all the questions I had.  I was advised some pretty strange things that didn't seem right to me.  One thing I knew was that I never wanted Luke to remember when he found out he was adopted, I wanted to just be something he always knew.  I didn't want it to impact his life in a negative way if I could help it.  I didn't want to make mistakes.  So I began to read.

This book was one of the first ones I found.  It is written by an adoptee.  The back of the book states in part:

"Sherrie Eldridge reveals the Twenty complex emotional issues you must understand to nurture the child you love...that he must grieve his loss now if he is to receive love fully in the future...that she needs honest information about her birth family no matter how painful the details may be...and that although he may choose to search for his birth family, he will always rely on you to be his parents."

The book covers twenty topics to help the adoptive parents deal with issues they might not realize their child has.  Some of the topics are:

I suffered a profound loss before I was adopted.  You are not responsible.

I need your help in grieving my loss.  Teach me how to get in touch with my feelings about my adoption, and then validate them.

I want you to take the initiative in opening conversations about my birth family.

I am afraid you will abandon me.

Let me be my own person, but don't let me cut myself off from you.

Birthdays may be difficult for me.

Reading this book and others like it help me so much as my adopted children ask harder and harder questions.  I know I still make mistakes - I make mistakes with my biological children too - but I will continue to educate myself as much as I can so I will be the best mother I can be in raising all my children.  Don't rely on outdated "wisdom" from people who have never experienced adoption in any way.  Read and talk to people from all sides of the adoption triad: the birth mothers, other adoptive parents, and especially the adoptees themselves.  This book is a good place to start!